The Good & The Bad

The Good:
Thus far today has had several high points. I got a free coffee out of campus Hostility Services (hospitality services). While getting said free coffee I discovered that the ice is back in at the arena after being closed for several weeks worth of repairs and renovations. That means that there’s open public skating over the noon hours again, a definite bonus for me. Skating is one of the few things I do for exercise and it’s a good way for me to clear my head before hitting the books again. Now, if I can get a hold of Constable Neil tonight after I get home from my late shift that will have rounded out the good to three. All things considered, I’d say that’s quite a respectable number.

The Bad:
Work on the thesis is grinding along at a snails pace and it’s starting to cause me grave concern, but I’ll persevere and really start to worry if I haven’t completed my chapter by Monday. In other avenues the PTSD is back. Actually, it never went away but in my awesome skills of repression I had managed to push it back down for a bit and completely ignored everything to do with it. The police report I had requested is in at the station and I haven’t gone to pick it up, even though they called over 2 weeks ago to say it was ready.

Last night I was in bed thinking through some things before I fell asleep and the familiar feelings of panic slid over me. I tried to quickly stop thinking about the Stalker and the train of thought I had been on, but the damage was done. I had reopened that door and it’s not so easy to close it again. That feeling of free falling out of control is now hovering in the background and I’m quite concerned that once the thesis work is out of the way I’ll have a big crash. The stress of finishing off the master’s is the only thing keeping the PTSD at bay right now. It’s like watching an accident about to happen and being completely powerless to do anything.