Saturday, May 26, 2007

The Date with Candidate #2

Shortly before my birthday I agreed to go out on a date with this guy. Originally we were going to the drive-in on a Saturday night, but my nerves and his work schedule put an end to that idea. He was planning on being back in town mid-day Sunday, at which point he was going to call me and we’d figure out something to do together that afternoon. I figured a walk or going out for ice cream, or something equally easy going and spontaneous would make for a decent date.

The Date: He ended up heading back to my university town late Saturday afternoon and called me up on his way home. Candidate #2 asked if I was available to go out for a drink that evening with him since business wrapped up earlier than expected and he figured why wait until Sunday to meet up. I was feeling pretty spontaneous and tired of being cooped up at home and agreed to the short notice date. He would call me back to confirm a time once he got into town, so I had a couple of hours to get ready.

On his way to pick me up before heading out to the local Irish pub, he got a call from a group of his buddies who’d been drinking all afternoon and on the spur of the moment decided to go to the exact same pub as he had suggested we go to. I found out later that these guys rarely go to this bar, and prefer the cowboy bar on the other side of town as a general rule, which is why Candidate #2 suggested the Irish pub in the first place. This put him in an awkward position- he could take me somewhere else and run the risk of having me think he doesn’t want his friends to see him out with me, or he could just say fuck it and hope for the best from his rowdy friends. He decided to tell me what was up and left it in my hands.

Lucky for him I hadn’t been out in while and felt up for some mischief, so I agreed to just keep with our original plans. At the very least it would be entertaining and I was curious to see him amongst his friends since that’s the quickest way to get a reading on what kind of a person he is. It’s easy to act a certain way on a first date, but it’s pretty hard to be someone else when you’re around good friends who know better and would probably call him on it.

Driving out to the bar the conversation was fairly natural and easy going. There was very little tension and nervousness between us, and no awkward silences, which is so rare in a first date. We were able to get in half a beer before his friends showed up and the gong show began. They were an absolute riot and just what I needed at the time to get my mind off things. After a couple of hours on the patio at the Irish pub we all decided to head over to the cowboy bar. Candidate #2 was pretty sweet and attentive the whole night and rarely left me alone with these guys, probably for good reason since the stories were getting pretty colourful and they were getting flirtier. At one point while he went to the bathroom I was left with one guy who was seriously hitting on me while mildly trash talking my date. It was all in good fun since they genuinely like Candidate #2 and were happy to see him with some one for a change- although they thought he was a bit of an idiot for bringing me out with them on the first date.

Shortly after 1am Candidate #2 decided he should get me home and away from the boys. I would have been fine staying until close, but figured there were reason’s why he wanted me to leave before them. At some point in the few weeks we had talked over msn the subject of first kisses had come up, so I was aware that he was a bit timid when it came to making the move for a first kiss. After pulling up to my place we just sat in the jeep for a bit talking about things and flirting some more.

I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but soon enough I had leaned over slide a hand behind his neck to draw him closer and gave him a kiss. I think it shocked him a little bit, since it was unexpected and pretty forward. For the next 20 minutes however, we made out like it was high school all over again. Don’t ask me how this happened but at one point his hand found its way to my breast, and he claims now that I whimpered and didn’t move his hand so he continued what he was doing. In all my dating life I have never allowed a guy to grab the girls on the first date, especially not during a good night kiss! To say there was chemistry between us was an understatement. Despite having the house to myself that night, I did not ask him in, even though the thought had crossed my mind. So, we left it at that and I went inside to bed while he went to meet up with the guys for one last drink and greasy food.

Candidate #2 called the next afternoon to ask me over for a bbq and a casual afternoon on the back deck with him and his best friend.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Morning Ritual

When you wake up more days in a row than you can remember with frustration and sadness it is time to do something different. Now to figure out what I need to do differently, short of moving out of here.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


I close my eyes and tip my head back as the tears start to fall. Pressing the palms of my hands to my eyes with the futile hope of pressing out the image of your face behind my closed lids. Those piercing, slate blue eyes. I choke back a sob, but it’s too late to rebury the overwhelming emotions. I miss you. It’s as simple as that.

Eventually every new relationship is unfairly compared to you and comes up lacking. Perhaps it’s my self-destructive tendencies that cause me to pick less than desirable men. A sadistic loathing of myself as a person motivating my actions. There are uneasy pinpricks surrounding the veracity of the new relationship with Candidate #2. Something is not right and I leave feeling more alone and isolated inside my head after being with him than before. Yet I come back for more, whether it is to clarify the problem or torture myself I know not. It is then that you come to mind, my safe haven in a confusing world.

You were always there, even if you weren’t. I desperately wish I could forget you and move on, to let go of you and find peace with our time spent together, and I think for the most part I have. Until I find myself in the arms of another man and I’m left feeling hollow and one-dimensional. I’m left to thrash it out on my own. Struggling with my internal demons and coming to grips with the choices I’ve made in this lifetime.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

A Happy Birthday

A few days ago I celebrated my 26th birthday. Candidate #2 sent these to my parents house to surprise me, and wish me a happy birthday- it was quite the surprise all things considered.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Candidate #2

Candidate 2: 33 year-old who works in sales. Single, no kids, no pets, no former wives, but he is a smoker who’s trying to quit.

First Impression:
Clean-cut, put together professional who’s not afraid to take charge of a situation. He’s also a great friend and very selfless in giving time to those in his inner circle, whether it’s a best friend or a family member. A touch redneck given his hometown and some of his interests but not overly so.

Second impression (from msn chats and a brief phone call):
A very warm and inviting personality. He’s got a lot of charm and humour, but knows when to keep the flirting light without crossing the line into pervy territory like so many other men I’ve talked to before. A gentleman, who’s easy going, driven, has goals and a plan to achieve them. The early impression of redneck is balanced with a surprising love of reading, photography, and a higher than average intelligence. Candidate 2 is also surprisingly patient and understanding of my work schedule and time commitments.

The Plan:
Originally we’d scheduled an off the cuff date for a double header at the drive-in after he learned I’m as big a movie buff as he was, but had never been to the drive-in before. My nerves and an overly cautious attitude changed my mind and we’ve decided on something a little less intense for a first meeting. He’s calling tomorrow morning and we’ll decide on an activity for Sunday afternoon depending on weather and our respective moods.

Pre-date feelings:
Cautiously optimistic. Although Candidate #2 is seven years older than myself, I’ve already shown a penchant for older men, to my detriment at times, which negates my initial apprehension of the age difference. I feel a lot better about this date than prior to Candidate #1’s, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself if the connection doesn’t hold in the real world away from the computer.