Lunch Break

A few weeks ago I was out in the field for work. We happened to be by this private beach on one of the lakes in Ontario. This is where we stuck our feet in the water, enjoyed the sunshine and took our lunch break. Sometimes my job can be really fantastic.

Zero to Shit in Sixty Seconds

I was stood up by the Mechanic who was supposed to go out with me tonight on his bike- no phone call, email or explanation why he dropped off the face of the planet.

Add into the mix one horrible phone conversation with the Jock, who was able to make me feel worse than shit in under a minute and I'm still trying to figure out why. By the time we hung up I was in tears, unbeknownst to him and I'm still upset.

You know, I'm pretty good about making myself feel bad without other people helping me out.

Finally

I finally managed to score a ride on a motorcycle this summer. If the weather co-operates I'm going out for a ride tonight with someone new. I would have to say that it's not too bad for a first date activity and I trust him since he teaches the motorcycle safety courses as a side job. Otherwise I would not be getting on the back of a virtual stranger bike.

Pondering

At what point does the guy you're sleeping with on a very regular basis transition to the guy you're now dating?

Housemate Woes

I just got home after working the evening shift, along with some unexpected overtime. I'm tired. So tired I was falling asleep on the road. As I pulled into the driveway I could hear music, and singing. The guy who rents the basement is a musician of a sort in a band. He's currently playing an electric guitar in the basement and singing- with speakers, amps and a freaking microphone. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep but I suspect he'll be up for quite some time since he's composing a new song. To add to my annoyance he has chosen to locate his studio in the bedroom directly below my bedroom so everything, including the vibrations from the bass and what not, filters directly up through the floor to my bed.

This is why I want to move out in a hurry, and also one of the reason's why I've spent the last 3 nights at The Jock's. In fact I've slept over at his place more nights this week than in my own house. I was half thinking of sticking around here until the middle of August, but after tonight I'm moving out July 31st and going up to my house in the new University town where I know there is peace and quiet and air conditioning as well! I can't get out of here fast enough.

A Pleasant Surprise

When I got home Monday morning after spending the night over at The Jock's house (a tale for a later date), I recieved a pleasant surprise. My brother and his wife had been at my parents house over the weekend and had dropped off some things at my house that my Mother had sent up for me. Including these carnations, which were sitting on my desk amidst my textbooks and thesis materials.

The best part of it, was that either my brother or his wife had been kind enough to put them in water for me. In a beer bottle. That definitely made me smile.

A Moment of Clarity

At times, sex is the only thing that reminds me I'm still alive.

Stat-Counter Stomach Drop

I uploaded the StatCounter software to my blog a few days after I began it. I was curious about who was reading it and where they were from, but mostly I wanted to see if Mr. Intellectual would bother dropping by since he was the only person I knew in real life who had the address. To this day he has never read my words.

I check in to the program every once in a while when I see the number at the bottom go up significantly. For some reason my stomach drops every time a location close to my hometown or my current University town shows up in the list. I know that none of the people who wander through know me in real life, but sometimes knowing that someone who's virtually a next door neighbour to me reads my words is a scary prospect. As an anonymous blogger I'm afraid of being outed and loosing the one safe place I have to put my inner turmoil without feeling judged.

Preparations

Earlier this week it was brought home to me that my grandparent's really aren't going to live forever. At the same moment I realized I don't have an appropriate outfit for a summer funeral, and remembered back 3 summers ago to my maternal grandfather's funeral when I had to scramble to find something. So, I went out and bought a pair of simple, yet stylish black pumps that can do double duty for when I'm in the classroom and later this week I'm going to the mall to look for a black skirt. The last thing I want to go through is looking for funeral clothes in a mall after I've heard the news and am upset.

Online Dating, Take II

I put up a profile on two very different dating sites one week ago, just to see what would come of it this time around. Last time was a consumate disaster. Between the two I had contact, either through email or IM, with over a dozen guys in the first 48 hours which wasn't bad all things considered. Out of that dozen plus, I think I might actually go on dates with 4 or 5. The problem now is that I've jumped the gun a bit. I'm still stuck slaving away at the thesis and can't really afford to take the time to date. Even if I limit it to short coffee dates I'm not sure exactly how I can manage the dating and school thing at the same time. I'm thinking of just pulling my profiles again until August when my thesis will be done to avoid problems.

Alternate Plans

The motorcycle date wasn't home when I called him back, so I made last minute, alternate plans with another guy to meet up for a drink and to hang out. After I got back home I see that MCD had called back only minutes after I had left the house, which is a shame because I would have much rather gone out with him than Luck o'the Irish for drinks. LOTI admitted to having issues with committment and yet he's clearly smitten because he want's to take me out to lunch on Tuesday and get together next Friday or Saturday before he leaves on his week long vacation out of town. We'll see. That's a bit too much contact in one week, especially since I want to date other people and not get serious with someone right now. I'm just not sure how to let him know that without hurting his feelings. I've never dated more than one person at a time and I'm not always the best at clearly communicating my wishes to men.

Do I, or don't I?

Over the past week I've been conversing with some interesting men from the two dating websites I signed up for. One just happens to have a streetbike and is interested in going for a drive with me tonight. We have not exchanged pictures, but have talked on the phone and based soley on this there is little chance for a future relationship unless by some miracle he is different in person. The question is, do I trust him enough to go riding with him? The World Traveller would probably tell me not to do it, since surprisingly he is Mr. Safety and would have little confidence in another riders abilities without having first seen him in action on the road. Not to mention the fact that it's not the rider that would necessarily be the problem but other drivers on the road- a fact I have witnessed myself when out with TWT.

The big question- do I, or don't I call him back?

The World Traveller

One summer night my youngest brother and The World Traveller decided to hit up the backroads and take some pictures of TWT on his bike. This picture sums up my brother for me and is how I will always remember him. Part daredevil, consumate underachiever, but wholly unique. Shortly after this picture was taken he quit his job in a large city, moved all his stuff into storage and took off to Europe to travel for the next 9 months. He chose unusual countries as well, mainly eastern European ones off the beaten path of typical backpackers and North American tourists. His stories and pictures of his various trips are amazing.

One of My Biggest Fears

I'm not really sure when this fear cropped up, but it's been prevalent for quite a few years now and probably pre-dates Mr. Intellectual. I'm afraid that after I get married I will end up being the breadwinner of the family. That I will be the one responsible for providing everything. It wouldn't bother me if I made more money than my spouse, as long as he's contributing something and doesn't expect me to finance everything. I would rather be single forever than end up with a deadbeat who can't pull his weight.

Embracing My Single Status

Yesterday afternoon I decided to go see The Devil Wears Prada at the last minute, on a whim. I left the house 10 minutes before the show started and managed to slide into my seat and miss the majority of the commercials and none of the previews. The movie was a perfect blend of light comedy and fluffy nonsense to take my mind off more serious things. I've never really gone to the movies on my own before, but I'm going to have to start doing it more often. It was so nice to just pick the movie and go at the last second without worrying about another person. In general I need to get out on my own more often and do things I want to do.

Boys & Their Toys

Two of my brother's own motorcycles- the one's seen here actually. There is something about a street bike that I can't describe but love. Everytime I hear one on the road, especially at night a small piece of me goes with it. Maybe it's the freedom, maybe it's the risk and maybe it's because I know it's something I will never do on my own, no matter how much I want to.

Give Your Head a Shake

I can't believe I'm even considering it, but I'm thinking about re-posting my dating profile online. I have never had anything good come of it and I'm still not sure about my motivations or if I'm even motivated enough to go through with the process. Someone, please talk some sense in to me.

Blocked

There's nothing better than finding out you're blocked on a particular persons msn contact list for no apparent reason. I know I shouldn't really give a crap, but yeah, I'm human and it bothers me. Moving on. Ass.

Addictions

In the acknowledgements section of my thesis I'm going to have to give a shout out to the wonderful people, and coffee, at Tim Horton's. For whom without this would never have been possible. You can see a few of the books I've been using for my thesis in the background. Believe it or not this isn't all of them by any stretch of the imagination.

Rituals

The best mornings for me start off with a quiet cup of tea. I like to sit in solitude and ponder my life and the important things in it over a hot cup of tea. Call me crazy, but I have certain mugs that are for certain tea's only. Put the same tea in a different mug and it just doesn't taste the same. This is one of my favourite mugs and was left in my current house by the last tenant. It's completely ugly on the other side, but it's perfect for cupping in two hands and holds in the heat longer than some of my other mugs, meaning I can linger over it that much longer.

Last summer my early morning's sitting on the back patio of my parents house with a cup of tea were some of the most peaceful and beautiful moments of my year. I realized in those moments just how fortunate I was to be able to sit in a park like setting, surrounded by my mother's gardens, my father's orchard, and the quiet sounds of nature every day.

Thesis Calls

I'm going to have to take a small hiatus from the blog while I finish up my thesis in earnest. Unless of course I need an outlet for the ever growing depression I'm under and the myriad of other emotions I can't seem to handle. So, until the thesis is done, I'll be posting pictures only with a minimal amount of writing. I have to save all my writing energy for the remaining chapters of this millstone around my neck. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can have the first (and mostly final) draft completed by July 15th.

Happy Birthday

Happy 138th Birthday Canada!


Love,
Jane