It Wasn't All That Bad

I know I’ve talked a lot of angst and hurt feelings between Mr. Intellectual and I, however it was not all that bad. In fact when it worked, it worked very well between the two of us and I miss a lot of that.

I miss ‘rummaging’ in the couch together, which entailed cuddling, tickling, kissing, watching movies, laughing together and most importantly spooning for hours on end.

I miss cooking dinner together, and how he’d wrap his arms around my stomach and cradle his chin on my shoulder while I stirred the pasta or we waited for something to bake in the oven. He’d nuzzle behind my ear and kiss the back of my neck, which was a well-known weakness I had. Every time we did this together I’d fall in love with him all over again.

I miss our late night talks in front of the dying embers of a fire, wrapped in a blanket and entwined together as we discussed politics, current events, history, philosophy, movies, school, books, and how much we loved each other.

I miss catching his eye across a crowded room and the silent understanding that would pass between us like lightening.

I miss cradling his head on my chest while I ran my fingers through his hair and we dreamed in silence together.

I miss how it felt when we made love. The smell and feel of his skin and the way his pupils would dilate until I couldn’t see the ice blue of his irises anymore, just the intense darkness of his pupils as we locked eyes. Until the day I die I will never forget his eyes. They were one of the first things I noticed and the last thing I will forget about him. They are an incredible shade of blue, with a small dot of brown in the left eye right beside the pupil. He hated that ‘flaw’, but I loved it because it was part of what made him, him.

I miss driving around in the car together with our hands entwined over the gearshift.

I miss tracing the curves and shapes of his naked body with my fingers. Feeling the muscle and bone structure and how everything fit so perfectly together.

But mostly, I just miss how happy we were to be together and it didn’t matter what we were doing, what mattered is that we were doing it together.