The Nighmare Scenario

A.'s reply came in yesterday around noon:

"Believe me, not as disappointed as I was when I found out about your affair last summer with the stalker."

This man chose to believe the vicious and probably the most salacious rumours to come out of the workplace rumour mill, instead of talking to me to find out the truth. He didn't know the whole truth about the stalker admittedly because I didn't know how much I could trust him, plus it really wasn't his issue to deal with and I just wanted to put it behind me. Yesterday I was so upset I couldn't stop shaking and felt physically ill over this whole thing. I had no idea how far-reaching the repercussions would be after having had a stalker and now I know. This incident has cost me financially, emotionally, caused me to go into hiding for several months, lose 6 months of time on my thesis, and now my supposed "boyfriend", not to mention my reputation, and having to transfer work locations.

Two left over Lorazepam's from my almost institutionalization three years ago, and a good night's sleep later I feel differently. I don't want to be with a man who'll chose to believe office gossip, or gossips, even if they happen to be friends of his over my word. Or not even bother to find out what my side of the story is before making harsh snap judgments. This is the nightmare scenario I’ve always feared. In a “He said, she said” situation even if I win, I lose. The woman will always lose out in these scenarios. My “boyfriend” chose to believe work rumours over my word and now my reputation in his eyes is irreparably harmed and I doubt he’ll ever speak to me again.

My hurt, confusion and anger over this still controlling my life continues to increase. I had a stalker. I chose to deal with it as best as I knew how, and for me not pressing charges was the right choice- the last thing I needed was for him to be fired from his job to spend more free time harassing me. I just wanted it to be over so I could go on with my life. However, he lives his life free and clear while I continue to work picking up the pieces. I just wonder how much longer I’ll have to do penance for being his victim.