About a year ago I made the agonizing decision to leave my six-year relationship with Mr. Intellectual. It was something I had mulled over off and on for about four months prior to actually making it final. I still loved the man; I just couldn’t continue to work on a relationship that he felt needed no work despite our obvious problems. To this day, I still love him, however it’s more residual than a burning passion. He will always hold a special place in my heart because of all the firsts we shared, and all the good times we had together.
After the breakup we remained friends and continued to see each other on a regular basis since we worked on the same project together for a professor at my University- I job I had found for him that summer, since he was entering Grad School here in fall. After the fall semester began contact was less frequent since the job ended, but we shared a class or two together and he would occasionally pick me up on his way to campus. We have common friends and we’d all go out for dinner, or a movie or just to chill after class. Other times it would just be Mr. Intellectual and I.
It felt like pseudo-dating at times since we could enjoy each other’s company again without all the baggage of a six year monogamous relationship. He didn’t have to deal with my depression since I shut him out of that for the most part and put on the “Happy Jane” persona when I was with him, and anytime he started to fall into old behaviours that bothered me I could call it a night without feeling guilty. The relationship was making a relatively smooth, if at times akward transition from lovers and partners to friends with a deep past. I’ll admit, at first it was completely bizarre and had I not already been a relatively patient and easy-going person it wouldn’t have worked.
This summer he met a girl at a friends BBQ and eventually began a new relationship. I was happy for him, excited that he felt comfortable sharing with me, and wondering how this would again subtly change the rules of this still new “friends only” deal we were negotiating. Well, it’s not working. The way I am being treated now is not how a friend you love and respect would expect to be treated. It’s also brought to the surface some issues I had repressed and thought I had made peace with.
It is with a heavy heart that I realize for my own sanity I need to finally make a clean break. The relationship no longer brings anything positive to my life and after every interaction with him I end up either in tears or feeling worse about myself. He seems to have the uncanny ability to plunge me quite quickly into depression, even when I’m having a great day and feeling like I just might have a reason for being here. After knowing me for over 7 years he knows just what to say to hurt me most- the turn of a phrase or the tone of his comment can cut me to the core and leave me reeling.
I’m just wondering now how I can let him know in a way that leaves me with some dignity and feeling good about how I handled the situation. I’m thinking maybe an email? The only problem I have is that he’s still holding some of my stuff hostage, even though it’s been over a year since we’ve broken up and I’ve asked him numerous times about the things I’d appreciate he returned to me. I’ve pretty much given up on everything except for two childhood pictures of myself that I really would like back. They mean a lot to me and I don’t want him to have them anymore, especially knowing the way he feels about me now…
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