Today has been an introspective day for me. I woke up in silence and I’ll probably spend the entire day without saying a word since I have nowhere to go and I live alone. On days like today I spend a lot of time in my head, which may or may not be a good thing. I’m still grappling with what has happened to me in the past month and trying to make sense of something that makes absolutely no sense. I’m finding it hard to just accept it and move on without satisfactorily answering the why of it all. I will never know why he chose to become obsessed with me to the point where it ended with me hiding in my bedroom closet, in hysterical tears on the phone with a 911 operator, while he pounded on my front door- yelling at me. In situations like this I’m not even sure there is an answer.
It reminds me though of a conversation I had this past summer with my niece. Little Miss E was about two and half years old at this point. We were hanging out at my parent’s house playing with my childhood Fisher Price Little People’s Schoolhouse set and reading books. During a lull in the play she noticed a mosquito bite on my calf that I was itching. I unfortunately have a bad reaction to mosquito bites that result in angry red welts the size of quarters that eventually turn black and blue.
“What’s that?” She asked while pointing at my leg.
“A mosquito bite,” I replied, “But it doesn’t hurt, it’s just a little itchy.”
She sat looking at my bite and pondered this for a moment before responding.
“You’re tough Aunt Jane. Soon it will be better.” She said with a little nod of her head.
I couldn’t help but smile at her stoicism.
Today as I sat mulling over the events of the past month while watching the snow fly out my new front window on a new street that I’m still getting used to, our earlier conversation came to mind. She was right too- I am tough! Soon it will be better…
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3 comments:
Hello...I find your point of view interesting. This is going to sound rather strange, but if you have some time, please visit my blog. Right now I'm at a point in my life where, well, I don't even know how to finish this sentence. I guess I'm saying I would enjoy reading your comments and maybe they can give me some kind of insight...or something.
Thanks...
I'm flatterd Sky. I'll read around your blog since I'm too much in a holiday induced depressive funk to commit anything productive to my own space.
Thanks for stopping by, J. I guess I'm trying to reach out to someone or something but this form of communication seems so surreal.
Are you an actual person? Do you have a real job? Do you work with other real people?
It's hard for me to grasp the existence of anything outside of me. Does that make sense? It sounds egotistical but I don't mean it like that.
I don't know...Sometimes I think that if I connect with someone who is wading in melancholy, like me, then, I don't know...I won't feel so alone.
Anyway...thanks for stopping by...
mc
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