Lotto Dreams

This past Wednesday’s Lotto 6/49 drawing was advertised as a roughly $40 million jackpot. Not bad, eh? When all was said and done the prize came out to around $54 million. It was with some trepidation that I learned that only one ticket, purchased in Alberta, drew the winning numbers. It’s not that I grudge the winner their money, but something about one individual winning that much money all at once brings on certain feelings of uneasiness and a lot of questions about what sort of person the winner is. Not to mention a small amount of a sense of loss, since my $2 ticket isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

I can count the number of lottery tickets I’ve bought in my lifetime on one hand. Yet earlier in the week Mr. Intellectual and I fell for the lotto-fever and it landed us in a convenience store buying snacks and lottery tickets before going to see a movie together. It’s amazing what the possibility of winning that much money can do to a person’s imagination and psyche. Even though the rational side of my brain said that I wouldn’t win anything, the emotional side allowed me to run away in the dream of it all and find a small slice of happiness that I haven’t felt in a long time. It was a small stream of light that pierced through the dark feelings clouding my brain.

I was definitely not the only one buying into the lottery-fever that accompanies the heady dreams that only $40 million can fuel. I spent some quiet time pondering just what I would do with that kind of money, and I had to smile. It’s nice to dream and it’s been a long time since I’ve allowed myself that luxury. Depression doesn’t exactly foster an environment in my head that allows for wild hopes and quiet dreams. Even though I knew I wouldn’t win, it was refreshing to imagine what I would do with the financial freedom it would bring me. It also brought on a sense of emptiness that one of my dreams would never be fulfilled, $40 million or not.

One of my wild dreams was to take a month off and travel through Italy with Mr. I to visit all of the places and art pieces I had studied about in art history classes, classics courses and history classes in undergrad. Since he spent a month and half studying in Rome it would have been ideal, not to mention the fact that his near-photographic memory makes him a wonderful source of history and knowledge that I’ve never been able to use while traveling. We never did go on vacation anywhere or travel together beyond day trips, and its something I regret. However, neither one of us had the money since we were poor students and love alone can’t buy plane tickets. It’s too late now to do that, even as friends since his new girlfriend would never go for it, let alone be comfortable with the idea of us traveling together anywhere.

This morning I read in the paper that 17 employees of a little oil and gas company out of a small town in Alberta held the winning ticket. Each individual will be taking home roughly $3 million each. Learning that the pot was being split amongst 17 hard working, blue-collar individuals made me smile. I was happy for them, they’ve known hardship and adversity I’m sure and they and their families deserve this. I’m just thankful that for an afternoon I tasted happiness and know it’s possible to hope again sometime in the future, even if I can’t right now. Besides, not all of my fantasies are out of reach- one day I will be able to buy my own car, even if it’s not a brand new Chrysler 300.