Thursday, March 26, 2009

Made to Order

A couple of days ago I was cleaning out my desk drawers and found something I had written out about 2 or 3 years ago. It was a list of all the qualities I was looking for in a partner and all the things that would be “deal breakers” to a lasting relationship. I remember that after I had finished writing out this list I had quietly folded it up and put it away in my desk because I felt like I would never be able to find a man who encapsulated all of those qualities. In order to avoid more heartache it was better if I didn’t think about it anymore, particularly since I was dating yet another Mr. All Wrong.

Deal Breakers:
  1. Smoking, in any form.
  2. Atheist (something I’m not too concerned with now, however fanatical atheism is still a deal breaker).
  3. Possessing only a High School diploma.
  4. Calling me a bitch in any context- joking or not.
  5. An inability to get along with my family.
  6. An inability to compromise.
  7. Immaturity.
  8. Lies- big or small is immaterial.
  9. Obsessive or controlling.
  1. Fiscally responsible.
  2. Educated- College or beyond (prefer University).
  3. Respectful, polite.
  4. Family is important to him- maintains a good relationship with family.
  5. Flexible, can compromise.
  6. Honest, can communicate.
  7. Reads or at least can respect books and self-improvement.
  8. Movie buff.
  9. Athletic.
  10. Common background or at least an ability to relate.
  11. Supportive of my goals and independence.
  12. Independent- can cook, clean, do laundry and generally take care of himself.
  13. Values education.
Reading this over now I was somewhat surprised to discover that Quiet Confidence has every single one of these things that I was looking for so long ago. I shouldn’t be so surprised, but at the time it felt like an impossible task. Yet today it seems so logical that I would find the person I was writing about. Subconsciously that list was always with me, I just didn’t have enough self-respect at the time to say I deserved to be with someone who checked off all the right boxes and none of the bad ones. It’s still a struggle some days to have the confidence and love for myself to say I deserve all of this, but I’m working on it.

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