Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Why I Want to Live Alone Again

Moving in with housemates again after two years has had its advantages and disadvantages. Despite all the little advantages, I'd prefer to live alone again. What follows is a top 10 list of reasons why I want to live alone again:

1. You open the fridge and reach back for the Britta, only to discover that whomever used it last neglected to fill it up and returned it to it's place with less water in it than can fill a shot glass.

2. Someone's boyfriend arrives unannounced for the night and then proceeds to use your clean, fresh towels like it's a hotel, without asking if it's okay, after a long day on the construction site. Said boyfriend then repeats this process almost weekly and on random days, foiling your best efforts to remove your towels before his arrival.

3. A house mate exits the shower completely soaking wet, leaving large pools of water on the floor and soaking into the bathroom carpet. You walk in with socks oblivious to this fact and leave with wet feet, a personal pet peeve. Repeat almost daily.

4. You go to use the bathroom at 1:00 am before heading to bed for the night, only to discover that some asshole used the last piece of toilet paper and left the cardboard tube in the holder. There are no fresh rolls under the sink, nor in the bathroom downstairs. There is no toilet paper in the house, a fact that no one mentioned to you when you ran out earlier in the day to grab a few things from the store. In an attempt to not be that asshole you go out to the 24 hour grocery store down the street to pick up a new package of toilet paper and a liquid handsoap refill since that's empty as well with no replacement in the house. It's just you, the fat cashier and two teenage stockboy's at 1:00 in the morning- and you're the one that looks like a freak.

5. When you go to open the freezer above the fridge you discover it's already ajar several inches. Who knows how long it has been this way? A careless configuration of frozen goods has allowed the door to be propped open. You rearrange the freezer so the door firmly closes and continue on with your day.

6. The cast iron frying pan you have carefully been seasoning to perfection for the past 4 years is cleanly washed and vigorously scrubbed until it is dull, lifeless and leached of all moisture and good things necessary to create that non-stick surface.

7. Winter is approaching and despite the heat on in the house you notice a chill in your room. You later learn that the house mate who is perpetually cold, and runs around with a blanket wrapped around her torso like a wrap dress, leaves her window open several inches, regardless of the weather. I didn't realize our utility bill was being used to heat the outdoors.

8. This graduate degree is something you are trying to treat as a real job, with 9-5 hours and consistent results. Despite your best efforts, work leaches into the late night hours of your day. Attempts to work are continually foiled by your silence being broken from a nearby house mates room who insists upon accompanying her music, often off key, with the door open and the level just slightly above acceptable for allowing you to concentrate on your academic endeavors.

9. Interpersonal drama is rife throughout the house. This is what comes of living with girls, especially if it involves the kind who's personality tends towards the high-strung. Your "business" and everyone getting involved makes for an uncomfortable environment for me, someone who doesn't want any part of the drama, let alone your drama. I don't bring my problems into the house, upsetting the fine balance of harmony and leaving tense, sullen encounters in my wake.

10. You bring an air popper into the house and share it so everyone can enjoy the benefits of air popped popcorn, which all promptly indulge in. One day, several months after moving in you discover it no longer works. Some one has broken it, either through misadventure or misuse. Either way, no one bothered to let you know about it, or apologize for the destruction of your personal property, leaving you to discover its untimely demise at your own leisure. Restitution is not forthcoming and you begin to fear for the state of your other belongings now in common use since unknown persons can be unnecessarily hard on the kitchenware.

1 comment:

nmk said...

Except No 10 I can relate with everything. I wanna live alone so baddd but rent is not cheap :((((
wanna graduate soon.

anyway nice blog