The Office

I made an effort tonight to watch tv since I rarely watch anymore. I missed the show, The Office and wanted to see what was happening, not to mention I needed a laugh. I wasn't disappointed, but I did miss quite a bit since last season. It reminded me though, that I should have the DVD's on my Christmas list, including the British version since that was my first exposure to it, and still my favourite.

Dreaming of Spring

The Dying Days of NaBloPoMo

With a mere 3 days left of the NaBloPoMo challenge, I'd be remiss if I didn't say I was glad to see it ending. It has definitely been a challenge to get to the computer everyday and put something up. I found Friday's and Saturday's to be especially difficult since that's usually when I'm out with friends in the evening or over at the Jock's house.

In the beginning I laughed at the little vignette Mrs. Kennedy of Fussy, and the instigator of this whole endeavor, included within the instructions for NaBloPoMo. Something along the lines of posting every day, including taking time out of Thanksgiving dinner to update her "blob" and incuring the wrath of her mother for doing so. While I thought I'd never be the one doing that, I was sadly mistaken. Three times now I've snuck away in the middle of either a house party or a gathering of friends to find a computer and update my blog.

It's unfortunate that I wasn't aware of NaDruWriNi ahead of time, since that would have made things easier and a lot more entertaining. I always got my post's up before I got too drunk to make sense. Apparently, I was doing it all wrong. Interestingly enough this has spawned National Drunk Blogging Day.

I'm some what impressed with how long it took me before the burn out caught up and the post's became more filler and less meaningful. My one fear of the 30 day challenge is that as soon as it's over I'll take a huge break and go back to sporadic posting. I think a more realistic blogging goal is to aim for 3 to 5 good posts a week, and take the weekend off unless inspiration hits.

I seriously love the newest NaBloBoMo seal. It's so apropos.

Bump & Grind

In fall I purchased my first car- a 2000 Buick LeSabre in bronze, which is really a tan colour. I was sad to give up Betsy, my mother's sky blue 1989 Chevrolet Caprice Classic, since that was the first car I learned to drive in and spent the majority of my time on the road with. It was also a seriously pimping ride, as compared to the old man mobile I now own. However, the new car is more reliable, gas efficient and an all around nicer ride. It is a car I'm grateful to have.

This past Friday during the morning rush hour commute through town on my way out to the highway I had a minor fender bender. Some middle aged yuppie in a Jaguar rear ended me at a stop light. There's some minor paint transfer- his black on my tan - that isn't noticeable until you're told it's there. I was just annoyed that this happened in the first place because of his carelessness, however it was such a low speed impact no major repairs were needed and I'm hoping that I can buff out the paint transfer.

I take a certain amount of sick satisfaction in the fact that it was a Jag that caused the accident and he'll be paying more to fix his car than I would be. Had it been worse I would be quite upset over it all. As it stands I'm just thankful it wasn't any worse and no one was hurt.

Happy Birthday...

Due to thesis work, and marking from my course, I was unable to make it home for my niece and nephew's combined birthday party. Little Miss E turned 4 on the 20th, and Daddy's Boy turned 2 on the 28th. I haven't seen them in weeks, and I'm starting to really miss my family. My mother emailed me afterwards to tell me how it went and give me an update on the family. It makes me sad to miss out on these sorts of things, especially since the kids are growing up so quickly, and my grandparents are aging rapidly.

Happy Birthday Little Miss E & Daddy's Boy!

Miss you lots. xoxo

Gulliver's Travels

Tom Otterness, 2002 from the exhibit "Free Money and Other Fairy Tales"

I came across this a couple of months ago while searching for something completely different. I found this sculpture and the artist's style to be fascinating. If it was a little more affordable I'd probably buy something of his.

Exhaustion

I wonder at what point does the body rebel against you when you're depriving it of sleep, proper nutrition and hyping it up on caffeine to get the job done? Is it possible function and write well on only 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night for days on end?

In Honour of American Thanksgiving

In honour of American Thanksgiving I present this clipping from 1888. If you're coming up short for novel recipes to wow the family with, this should do the trick. I find it interesting that there are no baking instructions included with the sponge cake recipe, but then again it's not surprising since there was no way to consistently control temperature on a wood stove. Happy Thanksgiving America!

Old Hurts

There it is again. That ever present ache and sense of drifting through my own life. A disconnect with self that I can’t seem to explain or even begin to fix. Will this be here for the rest of my life, I wonder? Will I always be bumping into the ghost of your presence at every turn?

It’s been almost 2 1/2 years since we called it quits, and over 6 months since we last spoke. I’m still confused about what precipitated the end of it all, and hurt at how it’s been left. Knowing you didn’t value our friendship the same way that I did, and probably never did cuts me to the core. How quickly you forgot, and tossed me aside. Callous and indifferent. Was it self preservation, or disgust with me? I’ll never know.

This feeling, this hollow ache and sense of loss has become embedded in who I am now. Like a pearl nestled in the folds of a clam, irritating the soft flesh, causing it to increase in size one iridescent layer at a time. Maybe some day it won’t hurt.

Under the Gun

The sessional I'm a teaching assistant for this semester in one of my TAships is beyond incompetent. Due to his incompetence and some unforseen assholery I must now mark 60 midterms and post marks tonight. I'll probably be up until 3 am at least to get this crap done. I was never a big fan of unions and our Union in particular, however right now I'm glad I have them because some shit could hit the fan in this situation, and I may need the union to back me up.

Summer on the Farm

Throw Away Posts

I knew that the NaBloPoMo challenge was going to eventually find me dry for ideas to write about. For the past few weeks I've attempted to create posts of quality but I knew it was only a matter of time before I was left with nothing and forced to put up a throw away post. This is that day. I've got nothing, not even a picture worth posting. I think I should break down and buy Maggie Mason's book now, or find some sort of inspiration to break the writer's block for tomorrow. Here's hoping.

Gambling

For various reasons I dislike gambling. One of them is due to my religion and their stance on it, regardless of the fact that I am no longer a practicing member.

Unless you can afford to lose the money, I believe you shouldn't put money down expecting a big pay out because the house always wins. As a student, and one barely on the edge of solvency, I think that gambling for me is not a good choice. That doesn't mean I don't buy the occasional scratch ticket (Win for Life being my favourite) or the odd Lottery ticket. I buy them for entertainment, without the expectation that I'll see that money again. I don't buy them as a means of solving my financial difficulties or bank on it for retirement. I rarely if ever gamble and if I had to guess I probably do it once or twice a year, if even.

What if my partner doesn't view gambling in this light? What if they believe in it less as a form of entertainment, and more as a legitimate way of making money? Of creating financial solvency and retirement funds? I don't like pushing my views on others, but how do you create a sense of peace between two conflicting ideologies?

I'm a Tool

I had to fill in for the Professor I'm a Teaching Assistant for since he was away at a conference today. Originally I was supposed to prepare a lecture, but at the last minute he decided I should show a video instead.

I got to class early to make sure everything worked and lo and behold, the sound was too low on the projector to hear anything. I fiddled around with the machine and the small sheet of instructions taped to the box but nothing did the trick. Finally I gave up and called IT since I didn't want to have to cancel the class.

The IT guy came down mere minutes before class was supposed to begin. Apparently there were a set of knobs on the side of the box that I had overlooked, since I was looking at it head on. Not only did I look like a serious blonde air-head, I ended up looking like a tool in front of a number of my students since they had begun to filter in already. Awesome work Jane. Next time it might pay to be slightly more observant. Ugh.

Progression of a Relationship

I had this text message exchange last Friday afternoon. We've been casually seeing each other once a week when I'm in town, for dinner, coffee or to just hang out for a bit, but I wasn't sure exactly how to take him. He always seems interested and genuinely pleased to see me, but I have my nagging doubts. We always have a good time and I was disappointed when he didn't call on Wednesday or Thursday like usual to set something up.

Him: What are you up to tonight?

Jane: Dinner with friends and early to bed since (little brother) and I are heading home early tomorrow.

Him: Awe. Was hoping to see you. Should have called.

We exhanged a few more messages while he was at work. In the end I agreed to meet up for a drink on Saturday night after I had dropped off my brother at his University and on my way out to my University town. It's interesting to see how this is slowly unfolding, since it is more like a courtship without the hurried pace to get me into his bed. I like the fact that he's trying to get to know me without the complications of a physical relationship.

Freezing Love

I've come to the conclusion that without my mother's generosity I probably would have starved already. Every time I go home, which isn't often anymore, she sends along food with me when I leave. Whether it's items she knows I can't buy in my new city, or things I won't make for myself, I always leave with enough food to make me feel slightly guilty.

Lately she's been setting aside enough of whatever she makes for dinner into containers sized perfectly for one meal. She is all too aware of fact that when I'm heavily into writing or marking, like I am right now, I won't take the time to make a meal. If it can't be microwaved or prepared in 5 minutes or less, I won't eat it. This leads to some appalling dining habits, like cereal for dinner, just a cup of coffee for lunch, random snacking on junk and a profusion of PB&J sandwiches which fulfill the need for protein and good fats. Meat and vegetables become non-existant, and I know that my habits and diet makes my mother cringe. This only lasts for a few days to a few weeks at a time, depending on the work load I'm buried under.

My housemates poke fun of the fact that my mother feeds me like this. They've commented that I eat odd things, and the only time I eat a "real meal" is when I pull one of my mom's out of the freezer. Whatever, I'm just grateful that my mother understands my lifestyle and supports what I'm doing, even if it means making sure I'm eating properly as if I was still a young child of hers and not a grown woman. Everytime I open up the freezer I'm reminded of how much I'm loved, and I wouldn't trade that feeling for the world.

Christmas Shopping

My mother's Christmas present came in the mail today. She's always admired my costume jewellery and it's over the top flash and size, but it's clearly been my style and not something she'd wear. She has a small collection of her own that's mostly lapel pins and a few simple necklaces. However, over the past few months she's expressed a desire to have something more elaborate. She's beginning to be more comfortable with wearing costume jewellery in general and has hinted a bit that perhaps she'd go so far as to wear the more flashy, bold and daring pieces like those in my collection.

I bought this Juliana set off eBay to match the beautiful dress she had for my brother's wedding last year. Although I liked the jewellery she picked to go with it, I believe the dress deserves something a little more fitting than the simple mass produced fashion accessories she picked up at the mall. I can't wait until Christmas morning! Now if only I could pick out that perfect gift for my father.

Something's Changed

I slowly awaken in the deep of the night to the feel of your touch on my back. I’m curled up on my side, facing the wall like I usually do, one hand tucked gently underneath my cheek. Your hand softly, gently, moves up and down my bare back, gradually changing to kneed and massage my shoulders and lower back. Your body moves closer to me as you feel me waking up and I sigh in contentment.

Later you tell me that you woke up in the middle of the night like you sometimes do. I was snoring softly, and you found the sight to be too cute. The peaceful, innocence of me in slumber, with my eyes closed, oblivious to the world made you want to reach out and touch me. You said that you wanted to watch me smile in my sleep, since unbeknownst to me I always give a small smile whenever you touch me regardless of whether or not I’m awake.

After a while I snuggle up against your body and doze off. We spoon in our sleep, and you keep a protective arm around me. This is the first night that I can remember where you want to keep me close like that in your sleep and actively seek me out. Maybe your declarations of love are more than just words, but actually carry some truth? Perhaps your joking and frequent proposals of marriage are done less to annoy me, and more in the hopes that I’ll truly say yes? It is a thought that I have never given any consideration to before now.

Vintage Costume Jewellery II

Here's another vintage costume jewellery piece from my collection. This one is made by Coro and has a matching necklace. It's an incredibly sparkly piece due to the aurora borealis finished rhinestones. I love how it throws out hundreds of little rainbows like a disco ball in direct sunlight.

I bought this set off of ebay shortly after the Juliana bracelet. It's a nice neutral coloured set which makes it pretty flexible in terms of what I can and cannot wear it with. I recently found out that it was made with a pair of earrings as well that I don't have right now. I'm going to keep my eye out on ebay to find just the earrings. Unfortunately the set I saw had red rhinestones instead of aurora ones so I didn't bid.

Remembrance Day

On the eleventh day, of the eleventh month at the eleventh hour (November 11th, at 11:00am), 2 minutes of silence is observed to pay our respects to Canada's fallen soldiers. It is a tradition that began shortly after World War I and continues on to this day in Canada as a National day of observance.

Two years ago the Royal Canadian Mint issued the world's first colourized coin. It was minted, with the permission of the Royal Canadian Legion, to honour and pay tribute to Canadian War veterans.

I came across a few in circulation that I kept and have put on my desk. It's a constant, yet subtle, reminder of our past and what I have to be thankful for everyday. As a pacifist I am accutely aware of the sacrifices others have made so that I have the luxury of never having to experienced a war, and never being conscripted to take up arms. So although today is the official day of observance, I like to remember what we went through as a country everytime I look at these coins as I go about my daily life.

Lost

What do you do when you lose the trust you had in someone? Can you ever go back, or is there always that crack in the glass, etched in your memory, gnawing away at the relationshp...

Collections & Vintage Costume Jewellery

A few years back I began a modest collection of vintage costume jewellery. It all started with a huge rhinestone cocktail ring I picked up at a garage sale for a dollar when I was 13 or 14. It didn't become a full fledged hobby until after I discovered ebay and bought my first piece, a large intaglio cameo pendant.

I blame this Juliana bracelet for turning my hobby into an obsession. I bought it last spring to go with the dress I had found for my brother's wedding, and immediately fell in love with the way it offset the simplicity of my gown. Since then I have added a number of different sets to my collection and familiarized myself with a few of the popular designers in production between 1910 and 1970. I don't see my obsession abating anytime soon.

How to Get Rid of Unwanted Things in Under 24 Hours

If you haven't heard of Freecycle, you have to check it out. We had a few things around the house that we didn't need or want anymore, so I posted them on Freecycle. Within 5 minutes our old area rug was spoken for, in another hour the table was gone. Over night someone emailed me about our barbeque. All these things will be leaving our house in under 48 hours. It's a great concept, (offer unwanted items for free to those who need/want them), and it seems to work really well. I've managed to pick up a number of boxes of books amongst other things from using the website. It's like Craigslist, only all the items are free.

Why I Want to Live Alone Again

Moving in with housemates again after two years has had its advantages and disadvantages. Despite all the little advantages, I'd prefer to live alone again. What follows is a top 10 list of reasons why I want to live alone again:

1. You open the fridge and reach back for the Britta, only to discover that whomever used it last neglected to fill it up and returned it to it's place with less water in it than can fill a shot glass.

2. Someone's boyfriend arrives unannounced for the night and then proceeds to use your clean, fresh towels like it's a hotel, without asking if it's okay, after a long day on the construction site. Said boyfriend then repeats this process almost weekly and on random days, foiling your best efforts to remove your towels before his arrival.

3. A house mate exits the shower completely soaking wet, leaving large pools of water on the floor and soaking into the bathroom carpet. You walk in with socks oblivious to this fact and leave with wet feet, a personal pet peeve. Repeat almost daily.

4. You go to use the bathroom at 1:00 am before heading to bed for the night, only to discover that some asshole used the last piece of toilet paper and left the cardboard tube in the holder. There are no fresh rolls under the sink, nor in the bathroom downstairs. There is no toilet paper in the house, a fact that no one mentioned to you when you ran out earlier in the day to grab a few things from the store. In an attempt to not be that asshole you go out to the 24 hour grocery store down the street to pick up a new package of toilet paper and a liquid handsoap refill since that's empty as well with no replacement in the house. It's just you, the fat cashier and two teenage stockboy's at 1:00 in the morning- and you're the one that looks like a freak.

5. When you go to open the freezer above the fridge you discover it's already ajar several inches. Who knows how long it has been this way? A careless configuration of frozen goods has allowed the door to be propped open. You rearrange the freezer so the door firmly closes and continue on with your day.

6. The cast iron frying pan you have carefully been seasoning to perfection for the past 4 years is cleanly washed and vigorously scrubbed until it is dull, lifeless and leached of all moisture and good things necessary to create that non-stick surface.

7. Winter is approaching and despite the heat on in the house you notice a chill in your room. You later learn that the house mate who is perpetually cold, and runs around with a blanket wrapped around her torso like a wrap dress, leaves her window open several inches, regardless of the weather. I didn't realize our utility bill was being used to heat the outdoors.

8. This graduate degree is something you are trying to treat as a real job, with 9-5 hours and consistent results. Despite your best efforts, work leaches into the late night hours of your day. Attempts to work are continually foiled by your silence being broken from a nearby house mates room who insists upon accompanying her music, often off key, with the door open and the level just slightly above acceptable for allowing you to concentrate on your academic endeavors.

9. Interpersonal drama is rife throughout the house. This is what comes of living with girls, especially if it involves the kind who's personality tends towards the high-strung. Your "business" and everyone getting involved makes for an uncomfortable environment for me, someone who doesn't want any part of the drama, let alone your drama. I don't bring my problems into the house, upsetting the fine balance of harmony and leaving tense, sullen encounters in my wake.

10. You bring an air popper into the house and share it so everyone can enjoy the benefits of air popped popcorn, which all promptly indulge in. One day, several months after moving in you discover it no longer works. Some one has broken it, either through misadventure or misuse. Either way, no one bothered to let you know about it, or apologize for the destruction of your personal property, leaving you to discover its untimely demise at your own leisure. Restitution is not forthcoming and you begin to fear for the state of your other belongings now in common use since unknown persons can be unnecessarily hard on the kitchenware.

Making Lists

I’m a consummate list maker. I make lists for the grocery store, things I need to pick up, errands to run, a list of things to accomplish during the week, a list for the readings I need to complete on any given day, things to clean up and organize, people to call or email and anything under the sun that could possibly be put into list form. I have found that the older I get the more I make these lists. Something about forgetting the minor details, and the satisfaction you get from crossing off something, that compels me to create these lists.

I found out shortly after the death of my Grandfather that this is a hereditary quirk. My Grandfather made lists for everything; a fact I only learned after my Mother and Uncle helped my Grandmother clean out some of his things from their apartment. It was also then that I found a misplaced to-do list of my Uncle’s in our truck, which he had borrowed. I was well aware of my mother’s long-standing habit, but had no idea it extended to her brother and father as well.

I was fascinated by how similar our styles of creating a list were. I had always wondered where I picked up my almost obsessive break down of my day into morning, afternoon and night sections for certain lists, and for some went so far as to chart out the approximate time it would take (ie. 10:30-11:00 – Dust & Vacuum room, etc.). My Mother and Grandfather never seemed to take it to this level, but my Uncle and I certainly do. I’ve just come to accept this as part of who I am, and what I do to stay organized and on top of things.

Below is a basic list of things to get done on a random day. Click on it to see the full version, if you’re that curious and really want to see what my handwriting looks like.

An Exercise in Self-Indulgence

Participating in the NaBloPoMo challenge has got me to thinking about blogs in general and my blogging in particular. I can’t say exactly why I started, but I believe it has much to do with the fact that I too wanted my voice to be heard amongst the masses, albeit anonymously. As I mulled over the question, I kept coming back to the issue of, so what? What is the point?

Finslippy pointed me in the direction of a post put out by Palinode who wrote a piece for the online journal Reconstruction. Within it he raises some interesting points, and brings into focus some of the things I couldn’t put into words. I recommend reading the whole thing, since he’s a great writer.

"It is my firm belief that blogs, like books of poetry or really good jokes, are useless. I mean that in the best sense of the word…The elements of blogging, as far as I'm concerned, are already junk. Our lives, our entire world, form a heap of trivia and disaster. To some degree we're stuck in the tragic position of Klee's "Angelus Novus", unable to reach back and mend the catastrophe of history. What we do have is memory and language, which, along with a high-speed connection, is all you need to reshape it, hold it up for your readers, plunge your hand in and rip out the joke. It fixes nothing, changes nothing: a completely useless task. But I can't stop doing it."

When I really think about it, I find the overall experience of blogging to be an exercise in self-indulgence. How arrogant is it to believe someone really wants to read the minutiae of my life and thoughts? Then again, I didn’t start throwing out my life to the internet to gain a readership of any kind, or recognition. I was looking for a place to process the turmoil in my life.

After parting ways with Mr. Intellectual I lost my best friend and confidant, the safe outlet to share my struggles with. I was finding the exercise of writing in a traditional pen and paper journal less and less satisfactory and aspects of the blog were appealing. The traditional scrapbooking aspects, wherein pictures, links and ephemera were incorporated with the written word, without the effort of the cut and paste tangible scrapbook, was quite alluring. A blog seemed more flexible, less restrictive, and more private than a written journal, while at the same time being painfully public despite my anonymous authorship.

While all this sounds great, it still doesn’t take away from the fact that on some level I find blogging to be self-absorbed, and even tending towards the narcissistic at times. I still have no answers as to what purpose it serves in the grand scheme of things. Much like I have no answers for the reason why I, or anyone else for that matter, exist. Do I find it completely useless? Probably not.

"Slurpified"

Since moving the the New University Town I've been able to spend a lot more time with one of my cousin's and as a result he and his girlfriend have introduced me to being "slurpified". On random nights when we need a break from studying or just feel like a treat, whomever is home piles into the car and we head on down to the local convenience store for slurpies. They're actully Frosties, but they're just as good. It's the perfect sugar-high for a late night at the computer, crunching out an essay, or marking papers. I'm partial to the Pepsi flavoured slurpie.

High School Art

Back in High School I always took art classes and loved them. What I find interesting now is that at the time I really loathed the odd class devoted solely to art history. While I found aspects of it interesting I was always eager to get back to whatever project we were working on that week. A couple of years later and I would become an Art History minor in University.

I love Art History now and try and find ways to incorporate that side of my degree into what I'm doing these days, which is straight history. I was flipping through an old sketch book from back then and found this picture. This was done as part of an exercise, I forget what the point of it was though- either to examine colour, or to create a new fantasy animal by looking at the world slightly askew. Either way, I still love it and the fact that the boy's face looks like one of the guy's in that class who briefly modeled for the drawing.

It's been months since I've picked up a pencil to sketch something, and even longer since I have put pencil crayon to paper. I know I've lost some of the art skills I learned in High School and University fine arts courses, since you have to practice to keep it up properly. Despite that I think I'd like to try sketching again on a more regular basis. I think it would be good for me to get out from under the mountain of textbooks and journal articles I have to read and focus on something completely different for a change of pace in between.

Academic "Love Notes"

I always get a big kick out of the little notes that my students leave for me in the margins of their exams and midterms, or the post-it notes discretely stuck to the final page of their major papers and assignments. I call these my little love notes.

Most of the time it's an apology for sloppy handwriting, not double spacing, or thanking the Professor for a great class at the end of term. Other's are explanatory notes for why the assignment is late, some minor problem they had with formatting or sticking to the word length. My favourite are of the thank-you variety. The keeners who hope to inspire feelings of good nature by kissing up so that we'll be more lenient in our marking. Most of these types of love notes are directed towards the Professor since students mistakenly believe that their Prof actually sees and marks their work.

Today I've been marking a glossary assignment, where students had to create a glossary of 30-odd terms given by the Professor on a book they're reading for class. The assignment states that it is to be no more than 6 typed pages. I found this little note tucked inside one student's assignment.

It reminded me of a note I had a couple of weeks ago on an assignment that was supposed to be no more than 4 pages. One student left this note for the Professor:

"I appologize for being 7 lines over the 4 page requirement but I simply could not justify taking out any more content without compromising the integrity of the report.
Thank-You"

I had to laugh at this one, since it's a first year course and what some would consider to be bird-course, especially if you're a hardcore History major. The Professor's response:

"Do not stress over 7 lines!" (amongst other things relavent to the assignment)

In this case the Professor was actually marking the assignment, but it's an all too rare occasion for first year courses.

NaBloPoMo

I've decided to participate in NaBloPoMo(National Blog Posting Month), an alternative to November's NaNoWriMo(National Novel Writing Month). For those not in the know, National Novel Writing Month is a program wherein the participants pledge to write 50,000 words in the month of November. The goal is to accumulate enough words to fill a novel. While I like the concept behind NaNoWriMo, I lack that drive and desire to write a novel in 30 days. I also have to finish a 100 page thesis in those 30 days so I think I'm good on that front.

Posting on a regular basis is something I've wanted to keep up with, however I've been sadly lacking on that front. This challenge gives me the push I need to see if I can post something everyday- even the weekends. They're also offering some pretty cool prizes as an incentive to keep up with the posting.

NaBloPoMo has also inspired me to figure out how to post a linking button on my sidebar. I'm a complete noob on the HTML, so it took me the better part of an hour to get it right, but I'm happy that I figured it out. Now I just need to scrounge up $20 to buy Maggie's book, to ensure I have enough fodder to last me 30 consecutive days and I think I'll be good to go.